Not much new 'round the home front.
It's Saturday morning. J's playing in a golf tournament this morning. We are supposed to have a house showing between 10-12, and an open house between 1-4. So it's 10:47, I've got the house pretty much ready (although I need to dust, thinking I might wait to do that between the showing and the open house... don't want to have Pledge in my hand as the realtor knocks...) and E is watching cartoons. E and I are doing to keep our friends' daughter who is 6 months old this afternoon. It worked out well because it gives E and I a place to go during the open house. Now, to see if we get him down for a nap.... that will be a whole different story. I don't know if the baby will let me put her somewhere long enough to get E to lay down in a strange place to sleep. Oh well... if he's cranky and tired later today due to no nap, so be it.
Latest forecasts on chinaadoptionforecast.com says we won't get our referral until February 2009. sigh. This is the longest wait in the history of the world, I think. Although our heart is in a daughter from China at this point.... I still can't help but remember my preference to do a domestic adoption for our 2nd child, and go to China for our third and final. My thoughts were if we do China 2nd, and still want a third child who is an infant/ domestic, our chances are a lot smaller to be chosen as a family with 2 children already. So do domestic, then China. And even with a long wait domestically, I still think we could have gotten a baby well before our China referral will arrive. Now, I have a fear, (that I haven't even expressed to J) that we will wait until 2009 for a referral, and we won't ever have the chance to do another infant adoption because we'll already have 2 kids, and we'll be older, with older kids.. all the things that seem less attractive to birth moms. I hate for the size of our family to be determined by such things... doesn't seem fair when everyone we knows makes the decision based on what they want, what they can afford to bring up, etc. Of course, I know as I say that, that we are blessed to be able to adopt at all, and adopt a second child. I know there are infertile people out there, who can't afford to adopt the first time. It's just that this whole unnatural aspect to family planning brings up some of infertility pain again. I am so thrilled and excited about our daughter... But if she is our last, it makes me sad to think I won't be able to ever experience that whole newborn stage again. It was such a blessing to get E at 26 days old, but it's hard to think that will be my only experience of having those precious early days with my babies. At this point, if we want to do another adoption, it looks like it might have to be international adoption. Of course, I'm probably limiting God's power in all this. He could have us get miraculously pregnant, or have a baby fall in our lap through word of mouth, or have a birthmother choose us through an agency. I will continue to work on my patience. (since I don't have a choice!!)
On another note, this past week, I started making phone calls about finding an online program for getting certified as a media specialist. (AKA school librarian) Definitely a less stressful option than teaching special ed for when and if I go back to work in a few years when the kids are in school. I gotta do some classes or something to keep my certificate valid anyway, so I might as well put that effort towards getting into a field I would enjoy. I loved many things about special ed, including the kids and the relationships you got to build with them, but I dread IEPs, the paperwork and endless documentation, and meeting with parents so much.... I would dread them for weeks. I always was waiting for the shoe to drop in those meetings and for them to rail me for something I messed up unknowingly or something. Or for them to ask a question I should know the answer to with a master's degree in special education, and I wouldn't know, making me look inept in front of the administration. I don't know if it ever happened in 8 years of teaching, but it was just stressful for me. Doesn't suit the more introverted, "I want everyone to think I did a good job" part of me. It seemed too much of my job was spent doing things other than working with kids. Ironic, I guess, if I do a school librarian's job because you have even less contact in some ways, but I love literature and books. And I have since I learned to read. And it seems less stressful and no paperwork to do at night.
OK, I'm rambling. 11:15 and the realtor that was supposed to come between 10-12 hasn't shown up yet. She was supposed to be showing lots of houses today, and when they do that, lots of times they run out of time, and end up not making it to all the houses. Oops. She literally just called.
Later, gator.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
7 months... and what's been going on lately
Yesterday was seven months since we were LID. We had a couple from church over for dinner who are interested in starting a home group. They were a nice couple. It's always interesting when you invite people over for dinner that you don't know at all. We turned out to have things in common, and E loved playing with their girls.
No new news really on the adoption front except that we hit the 7 month mark. Still waiting and doing ok with that right now. Bad news is that referrals came out last week, and the CCAA only referred 2 days worth of LIDs this month. Yep, you read that right. 2 days of LIDs this month. I do believe that is a new low record. At this rate, E might be in Kindergarten by the time L gets home. I think I can do Ok for another year and a half... (kinda my mental timeline... who knows if that's accurate?) but on the other hand, it's hard to believe that one year from now, a complete 4 season cycle from now, we'll still not know any thing more than we know now.
Luckily, Mom and Dad came up during the first week of April for her spring break, and E and I rode back down with them. Then we flew home this past Wednesday. So that has kept us busy, so it softened the blow about the 2 days worth of referrals done in an entire month. I think this "Let's sell and move to get more room" drive is partially related to keeping busy during the adoption wait. Moving, unpacking, especially as slow as I am with that, and decorating a new house will make the adoption wait go faster.
No news on the house front either. We lowered to 315, which has not created any new showings this week. Sigh. I'm doing better with it though right now. Kinda gone back into numb mode after the bank-foreclosure-dream-home sold. (Previous post). Another house that was on our radar also sold. It was a nice house, a little small, and farther out than we wanted to be. But still a nice house and new, and very affordable. A friend of our's sister bought it. So one reason I may be doing better is because there's not a house out there that we would be thrilled with right now. There is the house on the golf course (that makes it sound nice, doesn't it... "the house on the golf course".... it's not as nice as that sounds!! :) is a great house on the inside, but the water/septic situation is a little "iffy" and that's a big deal. That's really the only thing out there that would not be a major renovation project. I think Tuesday will mark the one year mark of our house being on the market. JH Realtor is out of town again with her family. She'll be going out of town again soon too. I just feel like we should be DOING something, but other than that frustration, doing much better. Still trying to trust that God is in control, and that pointing the finger at humans or human situations is not going to make our house sell. We all just do the best we can and make the best decisions we can, and trust God with the rest.
We just got back from S's 3 year old birthday party. E had fun, I think. He was kinda clingy at times during the party... Sometimes I worry he seems more that way than the other kids, (he definitely was the kid who was most like that today) although I know all kids go through that. It's hard as an adoptive parent because you don't want to make everything into an adoption related issue, when it's just normal kid stuff, but at the same time, you can't stick your head in the sand and pretend everything's fine when your baby needs help with an issue. I think that will be especially true with L since she will be older at adoption and in an institution before we get her. But I'm sensitive to that with E too. Sometimes he seems to show the sighs of anxious attachment. Clingy, he seems to be sucking his thumb more now than when he was younger, especially in social situations, his obsession with rubbing his dad's ears when we're out.... I know physical affection is important to him.... but is it weird he needs to do that when we're out and about, not just when we're cuddling while watching TV? I do think it's great he seems to need us and want us, but sometimes he just seems... a little anxious. But as I said earlier, I think all kids have that from time to time, and some kids' temperments seem to make them even more like that. But I just struggle with the whole "adoption is a loss, even infant adoptions, and kids are aware of that loss... resulting in issues with parental separation, etc etc..." to not wanting to make every quirk in his little personality as an (cue scary music.....)adoption issue! There are things I see though that he definitely manifests more than other 2.5 to 3 year olds that we know. I think J would tell me I'm being ridiculous and not to worry, he's just fine, but J also has done little to no reading on raising adopted kids either, not even the Bethany recommended books that are reasonably balanced. I just love my little E so much and want to help him. He seems VERY attached to us, and loves us so much, but I don't want that to impact his ability to go confidently into the rest of the world. If it is related to attachment and adoption, I want to help him process it, and not ignore an issue, if we can start working on it now.
Whew... didn't mean to go into all that.... just my ramblings this afternoon as E snoozes and J is at D's house working. Think I'll go take a nap now.
Night-night.
No new news really on the adoption front except that we hit the 7 month mark. Still waiting and doing ok with that right now. Bad news is that referrals came out last week, and the CCAA only referred 2 days worth of LIDs this month. Yep, you read that right. 2 days of LIDs this month. I do believe that is a new low record. At this rate, E might be in Kindergarten by the time L gets home. I think I can do Ok for another year and a half... (kinda my mental timeline... who knows if that's accurate?) but on the other hand, it's hard to believe that one year from now, a complete 4 season cycle from now, we'll still not know any thing more than we know now.
Luckily, Mom and Dad came up during the first week of April for her spring break, and E and I rode back down with them. Then we flew home this past Wednesday. So that has kept us busy, so it softened the blow about the 2 days worth of referrals done in an entire month. I think this "Let's sell and move to get more room" drive is partially related to keeping busy during the adoption wait. Moving, unpacking, especially as slow as I am with that, and decorating a new house will make the adoption wait go faster.
No news on the house front either. We lowered to 315, which has not created any new showings this week. Sigh. I'm doing better with it though right now. Kinda gone back into numb mode after the bank-foreclosure-dream-home sold. (Previous post). Another house that was on our radar also sold. It was a nice house, a little small, and farther out than we wanted to be. But still a nice house and new, and very affordable. A friend of our's sister bought it. So one reason I may be doing better is because there's not a house out there that we would be thrilled with right now. There is the house on the golf course (that makes it sound nice, doesn't it... "the house on the golf course".... it's not as nice as that sounds!! :) is a great house on the inside, but the water/septic situation is a little "iffy" and that's a big deal. That's really the only thing out there that would not be a major renovation project. I think Tuesday will mark the one year mark of our house being on the market. JH Realtor is out of town again with her family. She'll be going out of town again soon too. I just feel like we should be DOING something, but other than that frustration, doing much better. Still trying to trust that God is in control, and that pointing the finger at humans or human situations is not going to make our house sell. We all just do the best we can and make the best decisions we can, and trust God with the rest.
We just got back from S's 3 year old birthday party. E had fun, I think. He was kinda clingy at times during the party... Sometimes I worry he seems more that way than the other kids, (he definitely was the kid who was most like that today) although I know all kids go through that. It's hard as an adoptive parent because you don't want to make everything into an adoption related issue, when it's just normal kid stuff, but at the same time, you can't stick your head in the sand and pretend everything's fine when your baby needs help with an issue. I think that will be especially true with L since she will be older at adoption and in an institution before we get her. But I'm sensitive to that with E too. Sometimes he seems to show the sighs of anxious attachment. Clingy, he seems to be sucking his thumb more now than when he was younger, especially in social situations, his obsession with rubbing his dad's ears when we're out.... I know physical affection is important to him.... but is it weird he needs to do that when we're out and about, not just when we're cuddling while watching TV? I do think it's great he seems to need us and want us, but sometimes he just seems... a little anxious. But as I said earlier, I think all kids have that from time to time, and some kids' temperments seem to make them even more like that. But I just struggle with the whole "adoption is a loss, even infant adoptions, and kids are aware of that loss... resulting in issues with parental separation, etc etc..." to not wanting to make every quirk in his little personality as an (cue scary music.....)adoption issue! There are things I see though that he definitely manifests more than other 2.5 to 3 year olds that we know. I think J would tell me I'm being ridiculous and not to worry, he's just fine, but J also has done little to no reading on raising adopted kids either, not even the Bethany recommended books that are reasonably balanced. I just love my little E so much and want to help him. He seems VERY attached to us, and loves us so much, but I don't want that to impact his ability to go confidently into the rest of the world. If it is related to attachment and adoption, I want to help him process it, and not ignore an issue, if we can start working on it now.
Whew... didn't mean to go into all that.... just my ramblings this afternoon as E snoozes and J is at D's house working. Think I'll go take a nap now.
Night-night.
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