Random Thoughts

So last night, I was lying awake, thinking about this upcoming adoption.

I find myself reading travel journals, rumor queen, anything about Chinese adoption. And we're so stinkin' far away from that date. We were just LID on 9/13/06 and right now things are pointing to a two year wait. We're only 4 months in. I wonder how I'll feel a year and a half from now and we may not have any news of L yet. Yuck. I'm anxious. Kinda like a bride planning her wedding. You know.... you want it to happen. You can't wait for it to happen. But.... you know that once that magical moment is over, it's over. But with a wedding, you get the joy of being with the one you love, and I know after our trip to China, we're going to have our baby girl to love. All that is good. But I am excited for our trip and to have a daughter. I also know that there's something magical about the anticipation. I need to enjoy this time with Little Man.

Truthfully too, I'm nervous about it. Little Man is a pretty easy little guy. I'm not one of those overly stressed mom of a preschooler, because truthfully, he is a joy. And pretty easy. So what about attachment? Adopting an older baby? From another country on a different time zone? What is she is "high maintenance?" What if she's a terrible sleeper? How to balance two little ones? How will Little Man do with a sibling since he is kinda the center of the universe now as the only child in our house? Can I love another one as much as I love him? (Yes, I know every mom seems to question that as they add a child to their family, and they always do) So I'm worried and don't want it to happen too soon. I'm not ready. I also want our referral tomorrow.
I am Mrs Contradiction.

OK, enough whining. CCAA, hurry up. Give me my referral. Quckly. But not too soon.